Shame Factor

Going to try to drop some kg's in the next month.

Height: 169cm
CW: 63kg
Goal weight 58kg

Vowing to exercise 3 times a week minimum. Must start swimming again and riding my horse.

Australia Day Races!!

Hey hey,
For the last 2 weeks I worked on my dress ( adding lace and making a spider web patch to cover the pink skull and cross bones) as well as making my fascinator from scratch!
I had planned on making my dress but due to time and financial problems, I decided to just change a few things on a dress that I know fits me and looks nice.
So I've been planning my outfit for weeks and the day finally arrived, unfortunately we slept in. So we were running late from the get go. This was followed by us taking forever to get ready and we finally got out of the house at 1:30. Our driver was supposed to attend a car show and when I got out of the car and said " Have fun at the car show" he replied " We aren't going now." Which I was surprised about but didn't give much thought to because we were so excited to finally get to our destination. We had no trouble getting in and found our friends without any trouble. After speaking to my friends they told us that there had been no races today because they were having a "roo" problem ( A "roo" is short for kangaroo) Then, over the loud speaker we heard that there would be no races for the entire day! It was crazy! There are always roo's at Hanging Rock, besides, we ARE in Australia!

Anyway, a fantastic time was had by all. Once we got home and changed my friend and a I went off and just talked and chilled before he had to go home. I had organised my mum to drive us to the station because I knew I would be over the limit.
On the return drive home, the silence was deafening me and despite me efforts to make conversation I was only met with single word responses. Closer to home mum pointed out to me and I was the hight of selfishness and rudeness to sleep in and then take forever to get ready causing our driver to miss the car meet he wanted to attend and then "disappearing"( how anyone disappears is unknown to me) once we got back and not having the dinner that had been prepared for us. To be honest, I had no idea that dinner had been made for us, ( but was counted with " you always have tea made for you" Um, so it's still my fault that I didn't know it was on the table). I honestly didn't mean to sleep in, I should have set the alarm, or made a time of departure with the driver, ensuring that we were leaving at X time or be without a lift. I feel like there is serious lack of communication among the members of my household, which I can predict, will be of my fault. So yes currently Mum is not speaking to me , I asked to be let out of the car and I went to the pub for a few hours and walked home at about 10ish.
I feel bad and rather sad that such an amazing fun day, that I put so much time and effort in to my outfit ended on such a sour note. In addition to this, all the photos that I have seen of me are awful, eyes shut or too dark or just poor pose. Mind you my fabulous company looked amazing in all the photos of him, which i am genuinely happy about, i just wish there had been a nice photo of us together. . . .
i feel so deflated and very very sad face...

Here's one of the photos that turned out too dark, taken by the T.A.C promo girls

Here's our " silly " photo

Poorly dressed 1

see more Poorly Dressed

Ok, so this poor girl must have tried Adroa's eye-brow tutorial. I love Adora, her style and her make up tute's, but I think this girl might have needed to practice a little bit more

Happy Belated New Year

I hope everyone was safe and sound after all the Christmas and New Year shenanigans that tend to occur during this time of year.

Life:
Still enjoying my holidays though job searching @ the same time, one shift a week is killing me financially.

I am greatly enjoying being creative and lending my hand at sewing, clothes altering ( I took an old yellow dress I had and sewn on a number of different size bats on to one side, which made it definitely more "me" of you know what I mean.
 Before:

After:

I have relished getting back into my drawing and steadily learning how to do more with GIMP. Also, great news, I now have Photoshop4, so now I just have to learn to use it. O.o I have heard it's not too hard but it took me ages to learn how to use GIMP, so who knows.

Love:
The anger and resentment I have towards who will remain unmentioned has faded to the back of my mind. I am committed to staying single until I find someone who is going to prove me worthy my time.

I have flung myself into improving and re-generating bonds I have with my neglected friends, tho this is proving some what difficult when I have no fuel and no means to get to them The Australia Day races I thought I was attending with my friends may not be occurring as I had hoped, my friends who said they were attending may not be, making me feel pretty sad. I have spend 2 weeks organising my dress and fascinator. Regardless, I'll be in attendance with a close freind of mine regardless.

I was fortunate enough to attend a birthday party earlier this month. Met some amazing down to earth people and had such a ball! Open bar, nice venue, easy to get their and back, tons of nice comment. Oh & this is what my friend A and I looked like before we left for the party.

 

Fell over a couple of funky photos online today and have decided to share, possible ideas for photo-shoots I think!

Making progress

Despite much heart ache and chafe, I definitely feel better off without a heavy weight trying to drag me down and control me. I didn't realise that at the time but this is the nature of perspective. I finished off another drawing, titled X-mass, usually a time of giving and rejoicing BUT alas not the case, my ex left me with a $360 phone bill which has essentially disabled me financially so I'm currently formulating a plan as to what to do about x-mass gifts. On the flip side, on Wednesday, I'll be graduation from university, I'll finally have my degree in my hand. *much excitement*

Art Attack

Trying to focus my time and energy on something to distract me from my hurt. Although I hate to admit it and hide it quite well,  when i wake from my  broken sleep filled with dreams ( or nightmares),  it only a reminder me of all the stupid lies I believed and eat up so trustingly. Despite my best efforts to distract myself during the day by keeping busy, it's during the night when all this shit bubbles up to consciousness to torment me, as if there is no escape. It's similar to a splinter in my mind,irritating me. 
Not to be completely depressive, i did manage to get some reasonable work done, an i'm not saying i'm an artist by any stretch of the imagination and i'm not going to say i am, but i do draw and play around on the computer so here is some things i have been working on.

heartbreak- least now i know if someone says they need space, they are in the space of someone else's vagina

So the guy I felt so much for, who wanted "space" so I gave it to him, who told me and promised me that "it's not over" and that " this isn't the end" is now in a relationship with another girl. Photos of themselves with each other on their display pictures and everything, loved up comments on each others pages, it'[s enough to make anyone violently ill, an addition horrid thing I recognise is that so much of what I see I have seen before, on my own page not so many months ago.

Feeling like I have been kicked in the guts and currently nauseous, I am trying to make my head stop spinning and try to find the light at the end of the tunnel.I just had the most amazing weekend with a freind of mine, and to come home and discover all this, it just makes me feel so much when all i want is to feel nothing, nothing at all. I want company but at the same time I recognise that I am no good to anyone as company while in the mood I am in.

Another thing is that he pushed to organise a time and date to meet me and get a book of his that he let me borrow, only to bail at the last minute, and when I mean last minute, I'm talking 10:30 the night before the morning of the meeting, it was just lucky I happened to check my facebook before bed that night, or I would have travelled into the city only to be stood up. Perhaps I do have an angel who is looking out for me, making me have that "feeling" which is why I decided to check be4 bed, or maybe my delusions are encroaching on my daily life as well as my love ( or lack there of) life.